A Simple Conversation
by Maya Beebop
Summary: A little mental conversation between the Author and Johnny.
1. Convo One

I am going to be the first Writer to actually have a true encounter with Johnny. After all-

Hey, what is this? Where am I? What the fook is going on?

Johnny! I'm so glad you decided to join me here at my studio!

Huh? Who are you? *pulls out a kitchen knife*

Why, I am the Writer. I am right now writing to you! Therefore allowing you to converse with me. You see, it is a rather complicated process. I am linking my computer directly to a strange machine that I found in the bowels of my basement. I just stick a picture of YOU, Johnny, under the machine, and somehow, I can talk to you through my writing. Niffy, huh?

Uh-huh. You got any brainfeezies? *puts the knife away*

I'm sorry, Johnny, but it seems that in OUR world, there is no such thing as a brainfreezie. 

WHAT? NO BRAINFREEZIES? HOW THE HELL DO YOU UNCIVILIZED PEOPLE LIVE WITH YOURSELVES?!!!

Actually, we have a rather interesting little thing called a Slurpee. It also comes in Cherry flavor. It is not so unlike a Cherry Doom brainfreezie.

OOOH! I want one. Gimme!

Here. *hands him one*

*Slurp* Nummy.

Yes. Yes it is.

So, where am I?

Like I said, my studio.

And why would you risk your life by trying to talk to me? Not that I'm not thankful for this cool little Slurpee thingy.

Oh, I'm not risking my life at all. As far as I can ration, what I'm typing (and correct me if I'm wrong) is kind of being "spoken" into your head. Your thoughts back come a whizzing back onto my computer screen. Niffy, huh? YOU'RE still in your city. I cannot be touched by you.

Ah, she is smart! Since we have conversed all this time and I haven't found a reason to kill you yet, you may call me Nny.

Thank you Nny. And so, I shall conclude this conversation by saying that we WILL talk again. So, Nny, don't kill yourself, and readers, be ready for another convo between a homicidal maniac and a real-life Writer.


	2. Convo Two

Hey! It's you again! I was wondering when you'd be back in my head..

Yes. Well, I'm here, and I'm about to ask you several questions about life in your city. And to sweeten the deal, (pardon the pun), here's a cherry Slurpee. *hands him one*

Thanks! So what're the questions?

First, how is it that you are never caught when you kill mass amounts of people?

How…how did you know?! Wait…you're with the DOG! THE DOG SENT YOU!!! IT KNEW! YOU KNOW!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!!

NNY! Please calm down. I am not with a dog. I am merely asking you a simple question.

*goes from crazy eyes to relative, creepy calmness* I honestly don't know. It seems to me that even though the police here try to protect the people, they really aren't doing much on the job except partaking of coffee and doughnuts. Therefore, due to their lack of overseeing the safety of the public, I am never caught.

Well, that IS one of many opinions, but I suppose this one carries more weight because it comes from the culprit himself! What about cheerleaders, Nny? How do you feel about them?

Cheerleader? Cheerleaders?! CHEERLEADERS?!! I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE THAT YOU'D ASK ME ABOUT THOSE STUCK-UP, RUB-IT-IN-YOUR-FACE-IF-YOU'RE-DIFFERENT, PRIM, PRISSY SACKS OF GARBAGE THAT PAINT THEIR FACES DAILY AND STEP ON OTHER PEOPLE JUST TO BE ABLE TO CLAIM THAT THEYE'RE "BETTER" THAN SOMEONE ELSE! WHO ARE A BLOT ON THE HUMAN RACE AND DELIGHT IN THE FESTERING POT-HOLES OF SELF-VANITY AND SELF-UPLIFTING!!!

Thank you for that…err…_interesting_ view.

This is fun! Ask me more questions!!!

I really don't _have_ any mo-

I don't care! Think of one, and quickly!!!

Uhh…maybe I could wait and get some questions from our listeners out there. Hey, all you sick, deranged people out there! E-mail me if you have a question that you've just been _dying_ to ask Nny here. I'll be waiting! And no, not another issue of this chat will come out until I have a few good questions. Hope to hear you!


	3. Convo Three

***The opinions in this fic are not that of Jhonen. But neither are they mine. They're that of Nny's, and they are not guaranteed to be acceptable or society-friendly, no matter _how_ marshmallow-y this particular installment might be*** 

Hey Johnny…

Yeah?

"Member how I said…like, months ago…that if anyone asked any questions about you, I'd have to relay them?

Uh huh?

Well…I have a few.

Shoot. And I don't mean that literally. You know I hate guns.

Yes. Yes I do. Alright…question one is from…Jay-Jay.

__

Who?

Jay-Jay, apparently. Probably a nickname. Anyway, she writes, "Johnny, do you still love Devi?" And she snickers, and runs away before she gets stabbed. But she thinks you do.

Well, she's right. I do still love Devi. But she can't accept that because of what I am. So I love Devi without openly declaring my love for her. It really hurts and its really hard. But I do it because I can't do anything else.

*wipes tear and sniffles* That's so precious…

Yeah, I know. *flings several knives in the fleeing girl's direction, hoping to god that Jiu Jitsu class and the Hunter's Guild of America actually did him some good.

*pops back to normal, jubilant, chipper self* You got another e-mail!

Another! Can't we stop for today?

NO! Now pay attention: an "ashford2ashford" asks, "Why don't you kill Squee? *looks at the Squeegee* Aw, but then he's too cute to…ahem…so why don't you?"

It's cause I fell _bad_ for the little squeaky toy. He's sorta like I was when I was young. Indifferent parents, all alone in the world…the kid's got it rough! I'll be damned if I let the little guy suffer like that! *grins evilly*

Nny, you aren't planning to…

*innocently* What?

Never mind. Here's the icee. *hands over the usual treat*

Thanks!

I need more reviews, people! If you ever wanna talk to Nny again, you'll do as I demand!


End file.
